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Disquiet

by Love American

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1.
Waves 03:28
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid myself. I've built more walls from the rubble of these bridges than I have had friends, you know. I know you have too. These things don't just disappear. You're a bad habit you can't break yourself. God knows I'm trying, I only wish you would too. Somewhere outside these windows is a life that you could live if you'd only step through the door. But for how hard I've tried now we don't talk anymore. And I still think about the earth beneath your feet and even if it doesn't lead back to me I just hope it's not still blocked by the fear of what you want to be.
2.
These hands dredge through the moraine of the advancing of our distrust the air is cold and only getting colder for this could be the final winter with no hope for the thaw we want we see we bleed bled dry from the holes in our hands from the makeshift crosses we carry eyes open empty staring back eyes open empty
3.
Memo 02:10
In these moments that I wonder if I'm good enough for my friends and family, because I can only tell these lies for so long without believing them myself. For I've become nothing and nothing's what I've always been. Tried so hard to be something, but something's got to give. And there's no use in trying without your heart in arms reach. Love and loss. So who are you to judge me? You're just as miserable yourself. So who are you? I know I can do this on my own.
4.
Logic dictates a dialectic turned taciturn in such vague waves of consciousness. Spread long through the void tepid lines of lies as the material wanes in rhetoric. Our empty faith leads us to such empty depths of our emotions. Breathe. Peace. Lost in maya sewn shut to our eyes we corrupt the seed of our hearts. Exhale man.
5.
These decisions they will be the death of us. For in the end all we are is a nothing that never was and never will be. For I suffer you suffer this bond we share for as long as I am the bastard. I'll take this to the grave knowing that your spirit was never willing and your soul was dead bone black like the flesh torn from our wounds. For this I live. For this I drown. And as the sun broke at dawn there I lay at the last with your 30 pieces of silver clutched to my chest.
6.
In the twilight of our eyes we came to find the dissolution of our youth through tired minds. Our hearts no longer carry their weight in gold and we've come crashing down from the “we” we have known. Taking two steps forwards and a lifetime back like kids running from the tides. Our shadows hang like vultures in these desert skies circling our lives. We're the casualties of growing up only to back down. All which we held most dear for twenty years s left to rust at our sides, but I'm still holding on for something more one last dream before I lay down and die. These creaking floor boards mask the age within of our hearts. These little white lies are the progress in which we confide. But I'm still trying.
7.
Metastasis 03:16
These cold winter days always remind me of phone calls made. The silence spoke the words more than we could ever say. He came like a lion but left in silence. Stolen by a thief in the night. The breathing slows. The the skin grows cold. Still grasping tight to brittle bone
8.
Disquiet 00:57
“All that I've lived I've forgotten, as if I'd vaguely heard it. All that I'll be reminds me of nothing, as if I'd lived and forgotten it.” - Fernando Pessoa

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released June 5, 2012

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Love American Los Angeles, California

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